Start Close In

But I don’t know where to start?But how do I know if I am on the right path?But I have so many ideas and interests I don’t know what to follow first?

‘Start close in’

That’s a line from a beautiful David Whyte poem.‘Don’t take the second step/ or the third/ start with the first thing/ close in/ the step you don’t want to take’In the world of options and openings, in the world of possibility and promise, there are many pathways. As we fill our world with media and screens and flickering glittering lights, it can be hard stop, let alone start. We jump ahead of ourselves. We follow a flock just because there is already movement there. We expect the answers elsewhere, externally.‘Start close in’You see, our bodies know. The intimacies of our cells and the spaces between the fibres of our inner being know when we are on the right track. They vibrate with aliveness and seek out the mystery. They are generous and open and communicative with the very thing that sets them vibrating.And when we’re not on the right path? We’ll, it’s contraction. It’s that deep pit in the stomach, distinct from nerves, which offers us ominous signs. It’s a tightening in the shoulders, a gripping of the jaw, a fake smile, an endless tiredness, an apathy that laces us up from within. Sometimes you can’t rationalise it. But you know.To stop is to face up to it and really listen. To stop can be the biggest, boldest move you will ever make. It is then that you’ll know you have to shake things up and make that daring move- leave a job, leave a relationship, face up to your addiction, apologise. You feel a quickening, and simultaneously the world that was known to you- your crutches and your vices- begin to rattle and wobble. No wonder you feel shaken.‘Start with the ground you know’, Whyte adds. It is a nod to what will steady us; ‘the pale ground beneath your feet, your way of opening the conversation’In learning to stand with solid feet on the ground, we learn to steady ourselves. We learn to take responsibility for our own presence here; the weight of our beingness, the quality of our relationship with our own aliveness. And when we stand still, and start there, we allow the silence in. This is a real place of courage and bravery: the place we find when we stop. We quickly learn that the silence isn’t really silence. It too has a voice. It resonates with the conversation we are inviting with ourselves. The real conversation. It welcomes in questions we haven’t wanted to face; the hard, bitter and challenging questions which we know will change us. The silence fine tunes our bodies so we can trust again, knowing what doors to close. As the silence rests in our bodies we can respond again to the clues that will set us on the right path. The silence is the key.

So, when you are wondering what is the next best thing to do or when you are unclear of the path, can you make space for the silence?

Can you choose to stop, to ground and find a way back into yourself because the wonderful thing is that when you start close in, you continue close in. You are closer to your own truth. This can be your gift to the world, for there you will be a better guide to others. There you can be a listening ear, a balm or a brave companion to another. And that way, together, we all can find our way to our own first steps, close in.

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Start close in,don’t take the second stepor the third,start with the firstthingclose in,the stepyou don’t want to take.Start withthe groundyou know,the pale groundbeneath your feet,your ownway of startingthe conversation.Start with your ownquestion,give up on otherpeople’s questions,don’t let themsmother somethingsimple.To findanother’s voice,followyour own voice,wait untilthat voicebecomes aprivate earlisteningto another.Start right nowtake a small stepyou can call your owndon’t followsomeone else’sheroics, be humbleand focused,start close in,don’t mistakethat otherfor your own.Start close in,don’t takethe second stepor the third,start with the firstthingclose in,the stepyou don’t want to take.~David Whyte, River Flow: New and Selected Poems